The Fawn Trauma Response

Many of us know the amygdala-based, oh-snap what is about to happen, trauma responses: fight, flight… but did you know there are two others as well? Fawn and Freeze.

Today we will talk about the fawn trauma response in relation to big "T" trauma and little "t" trauma.

When we are young and experiencing stress we begin to find ways to adapt, to receive more love and connection in whatever environment we are in. This can happen after experiencing Big “T”  trauma or little “t” trauma.

Big T trauma is what we usually think of when we think of the word trauma. It includes things like war, assault, violent crimes to name a few. These are devastating events that happen that shift our understanding of ourselves and our worlds around us. 

Little "t" trauma is the trauma that happens on a smaller scale, maybe more often, and can be a lot more sneaky. Most of my clients when we first meet will reject that they don’t have trauma. Usually, many of my clients struggle to give themselves acknowledgment and validation for the difficulties, over time, that they experienced. 

Little "t" trauma would include things like not feeling accepted over and over again by a caregiver/parent, experiencing bullying, loss of significant relationships. These events cause people to feel without power in a relationship and without the ability to feel like they have the power to change their situation. This may not be literally “life-threatening events” yet the impact is what many of my clients carry forward in their lives.

One of the biggest responses to trauma that I have seen in my work is the fawn response. The Fawn response to trauma that is based in fear of conflict, in which case, people learn to shapeshift, people please, exist in codependency or alter themselves in a way that will appease the threat in order to achieve safety.

Let’s break it down. 

We feel afraid of a “negative response,” such as someone being upset with us, frustrated or agitated by whatever problem they're experiencing. We then will feel nervous and start to change how we present ourselves to appease the other person’s assumed needs. 

You may see the fawn response in the following types of behavior:

• People pleasing 

• Being too much of an empath

• Codependency

• Resentment towards the relationships in our life 

• Perfectionism 

• Shape shifting to be what someone else may want

• “Running ahead” to try to problem solve for potential frustrations/errors that the other person may have to avoid any conflict or distress

Some Problems this causes (to name a few): 

•  We feel alone and like no one really knows the real us

•  We don’t know how to set boundaries or say no 

• We’re not mind readers, so although we may be good at guessing what will appease another, we are not able to with certainty. This often causes more anxiety in our brains. 

• We lose the ability to understand what it is we actually want because we become accustomed to asking, what do they want first. Later in life, it can be difficult for someone to know what their wants and needs are because of this habit. 

• It becomes exhausting to always try to think of others first

• We create a habit of not thinking of ourselves first or our needs

You see, this strategy to keep us safe and with less conflict, actually leads us to have more stress and less connection to ourselves. 

Each of us have different scales of resilience, which includes our ability to move through hard things, to adapt and to heal. Every client that I work with has resilience strategies that help them manage stress and cope.  Sometimes, after many years, these strategies become less useful and may actually get in the way of our new goals. While in the past, the main goal was safety, we may now realize that this strategy is actually getting in the way more than it is helping. 

Focusing on connection and authenticity, we can find ways back to ourselves. We can reclaim our power and what it is that we are wanting to shift. We can re-root and grow into the next evolution of ourselves. 

Today, you can start this by asking honestly where does this show up in your life and is it serving you or is it getting in the way? 

Remember, you are worthy of figuring out what your needs are and achieving your most beautiful and authentic life. 

You are worthy of your time. You are worthy of following what makes you happy. You are worthy of stating your needs.

<<First Name>>, I want to know if you have struggled with any of these things, have questions about anything here or just want to echo anything that resonated. Reply to this e-mail and let me know how the fawn trauma response is showing up for you.

And if you want more support in unpacking this, reply and let me know you’re curious about the RECLAIM YOUR POWER program coming up to help heal.

I’m here with you!