The Inner Critic

What’s up Y’all. Let’s talk about the inner critic.

We all know that voice. Almost like a roommate living in your head with you. Not quite the Jiminy Cricket conscious, all cute and supportive, but more like a “Debbie Downer”. Almost immediately, we can think of the things that our inner critic says to ourselves. It looks like thoughts such as “you aren’t good enough,” “you can’t do that,” “you’re stupid,” “why’d you think you could do that,” “there’s something wrong with you",” “who do you think you are?" etc.

The brain does this because originally (earlier evolution times) our inner critic was more like a conscious. Supporting us in understanding where danger lied ahead. Due to our past experiences, our brain will create scripts and narratives about different things in the world. The brain creates self-survival strategies to support it and move it forward.

This critic and fear voice has morphed into a different space that may not be as helpful as it once was when we had to protect ourselves from animals in the wild. Some of us have developed this as a trauma response, because our environments haven’t been safe in the past (or the present). The brain goes into hypervigilance mode, looking for danger and including self talk to steer you in a “safe” direction. Some of us are so used to our inner critic that we don’t feel safe without it. We may think “who will I be if I don’t correct or steer myself?” Now, there is a difference between thoughts that keep you safe and thoughts that lean towards the inner critic land.

A simple tool that I will ask myself is Is this a helpful thought? And if it is not helpful, then I will really look at what purpose it is serving. Is it keeping me in a smaller space? Is it replaying narratives from my childhood that are harmful? Was it useful to keep me safe at one point or push me to grow but now is distortive and hurtful?

When we have an over active inner critic we tend to beat ourselves up. I believe that we can trust ourselves more than we think and know that you no longer have to talk to ourselves in a mean way to motivate ourselves to be a “good person”. I believe we are all good at the core. A lot of us just have been really hurt along the way or have had to exist in systems & structures that strip our power away.

I believe that when you are being hard on yourself and the inner critic is the loudest, it is not helpful. What you are really doing is adding insult to an injury.

So please…

Be Nice To You.

Here are some tips for working with the inner critic:

• Talk to yourself like you would your best friend, a child, a stranger or your pet.

• Remember that you are doing your best. Add a sprinkle of compassion at the least.

• Return to a place of the observer and notice that just because a thought that is coming through, doesn’t mean it’s true.

• Talk back to your inner critic.

• Visualize turning your inner critic to a small little gremlin or other creature, then give it a cookie or a puzzle to go distract itself elsewhere. (This works best when if you can stay in a meditative space).

• Ground yourself. Breathe deep into your belly and reconnect to your conscious self. Choose how to respond from there.

• Remember science: This is coming through because it is a deep neuropathway in your brain. Neuropathways are created through repetition. Gently guide yourself to the repetition and thought pathways you are wanting to create.

• Write lists of affirmations.

• Write one counter thought / helpful affirmation multiple times to help increase the repetition of the helpful thought in your mind.

• Ask yourself, “is this helpful”? If it is not, i.e. its not serving you, let it go!

If you want to gain more support and skills Contact AYA for a session!

Comment below with how your inner critic shows up & what ways you talk back to it.